A Wicked Man
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Inside
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Fertile
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When my youngest brother was little he was being bullied and went to my parents for help. They told him “Sticks and stones may break my bones” they then asked him to finish the phrase and he said “but chains and whips excite me” he seriously thought that was he second part.
— Bran Stark (@maxpalumbo5) January 3, 2018
I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) August 16, 2018
*Opens bottle of bleach*
— Julz (@azedi) November 27, 2018
Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn't open.
Me : Oh it's coz it has a child safety lock. Children can't open it.
*nephew looks at bottle in amazement*
Nephew : How did it know I was a child?
🤣🤣🤣
Oh good. My son put my wireless headphones in a plastic container of water to keep them safe. good good good good good good good good good good great fine how wonderful
— Philip DeFranco (@PhillyD) August 31, 2018
Atlantis Dolphin Bay Instructor: "Gently kiss the dolphin"
— UNILAD (@UNILAD) September 5, 2016
My nephew: pic.twitter.com/jgNQH3TPkq
Almost 2yr old for sale. Been crying for 10 mins cuz he cant get in the oven with the cornbread. Entertaining all offers.
— Cocoa Mamaiana (@SeauxCocoa) May 30, 2018
just seen a little girl confidently walk up to a bath bomb in lush and take a bite out of it, kids are class
— rachel (@notrachb) August 14, 2018
My son sent a letter to Santa. I hope it gets there. It doesn't have any postage on it and he put it in the bathroom heater vent.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 27, 2018
I just remembered that when i got my first dog i was 7 and he was 1 (7 in dog years) and i cried when he turned 2 because i didnt think a 14 year old dog would wanna hangout with me.
— Fey (@Trev97) April 10, 2019
My son keeps grabbing fists of air and screaming ‘mine’. My daughter is crying saying Tj is stealing my air….they are in my bedroom, on a Saturday morning….😪😪😪
— becoming (@Knowbuntu) July 7, 2018
I hate this house. One of the kids ate my wing and tried to replace that shit 😒😒 pic.twitter.com/djNGwjdKwl
— DOMAIN DIEGO (@DennistheBased) March 23, 2019
I generally think of myself as an okay father but somehow I forgot to teach my two year old son what an owl was and he thought it was called a wood penguin
— non podhoretz (NOT the guy from commentary) (@crookedroads770) June 10, 2018
Lions can hunt and kill their own food by the time they're 3 months old.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2018
My 3-year-old couldn't find her lunch box, and it was in her other hand.
I can't believe we're at the top of the food chain.
While in an interview Laura told how she met Raylan: “Raylan was adopted from a high-kill shelter where he was going to be euthanized as nobody wanted him because he was too energetic and untrained.” But no one tried to train him, says Laura.
When any kitten leaves he never seems sad afterwards, however after a few weeks of alone time he starts to get sad if don’t get to see any new kitten – “He always gets excited after seeing a new kitten. New kitten day is his favourite day,” says the owner.